Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
