his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize