I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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