There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
