ADVERTISEMENT

• (855): View more from

  somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs

  Fav 6 1733 760

  share tweet
  

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.

  Fav 13 1015 3058

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (865): View more from Tennessee

  I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.

  Fav 38 1118 14192

  share tweet
  

• (616): View more from Michigan

  whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.

  (231): View more from Michigan

  i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.

  Fav 41 2413 5892

  share tweet
  

• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.

  Fav 8 3315 1035

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room

  Fav 4 2567 934

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...

  Fav 7 842 1542

  share tweet
  

• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms

  Fav 10 1483 961

  share tweet
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.

  Fav 6 1606 735

  share tweet
  

• (951): View more from California

  We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.

  Fav 4 666 801

  share tweet
  

• (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait

  Fav 1 688 749

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again

  Fav 0 606 771

  share tweet
  

• (260): View more from Indiana

  My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.

  Fav 3 713 220

  share tweet
  

• (253): View more from Washington

  I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.

  Fav 0 15 34

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (512): View more from Texas

  That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name

  Fav 0 48 5

  share tweet
  

Randomize