3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
ttyl tear gas
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
