between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
