Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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