Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
