It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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