I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
