so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We have started to decorate penises.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
