The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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