Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
