Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
