he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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