i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
