what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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