If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
