Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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