It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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