I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
