they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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