Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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