i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
