It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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