im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
