Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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