Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
