If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
