You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
