i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
