i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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