I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
