i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
