Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
