I can text with my tongue
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
