rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
