sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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