I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
