Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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