Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
