Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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