we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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