If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
