The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
