I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
