And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize