ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
