I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
