someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
