i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my being single is dangerous.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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