Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
