Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
