She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
