so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
