yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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