i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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