I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
