Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
