i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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