I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
