New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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