I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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