Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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