Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
