I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
