Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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