i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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