During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
