google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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