I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hippo gnu deer
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
