is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
