A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I deserve this hangover.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
